Understanding the Personality of Molestation Survivors


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by M. J. Joachim

It is a violation that cannot easily be overcome, as it reaches to the very core of your soul, haunting you for the rest of time.  Coping is not something you do, surviving is the only answer.  You can never remain a victim, nor can you embrace so much pain.  As you grow up, you long to be just like everybody else, undamaged by the stain of molestation.  But you are different, and that difference sets you apart with every fiber of your being.

Strength invades your character as you enter adulthood and live your life.  You are not a poster child promoting well being in the world.  Yours is the route of escape, often in unhealthy ways.  You are the fearful one, who too often overcompensates by looking danger in the eye.  You are the angry one, too defenseless for words, exerting every right you have with course brutality to make your point.  You are the persistent one who never backs down from a challenge.


These traits are admired by many who only wish they had the courage to tell it like it is, and get away with it like you do.  They are also calmed by those who care enough to see beyond the surface, and discover the child who suffered so much pain.  In your shame, you cower, accepting full responsibility for things beyond your control.  A victim emerges, but not of molestation.  This is a victim of public indifference in a world that claims intolerance of such vile acts against children, two things that can’t be one.

You hear the outcry against those who harm the little children, and then you watch the perpetrators defend their unspeakable acts.  How many of them excuse their deviance with cunning arguments that bring pity for their plight?  Too often supported for their weakness, while you grow stronger, having been forced to overcome any hint of vulnerability.  Molesters make excuses, while you gag at the very thought of what they do.


Too weak to force the issue, you retreat into your pain, believing it is safer to hold onto what you know.  Yours is a silent martyrdom, and no one lets you escape that easily.  You are the dependable one who energizes movements, though you seldom have to work very hard for your success.  Overcompensation seems to be your favorite tactic for getting results, and you don’t worry if they aren’t all positive, as long as they draw attention to your cause. 

You have done what it takes to fully function in a world that doesn’t understand you.  You reach out, reserving your trust, opting to withhold it when you’d rather indulge.  You have taken the world by storm, and they in turn have responded to your presence.  You are shunned by some, ignored by others, and embraced by the few who sense the beauty of your soul.  But none of that matters if you can’t learn to love yourself, in spite of what’s been done to you, and precisely because you had the courage to overcome it!